On 23rd May, I completed a 5×5, as it is called in runners’ language. A 5×5 happens when you run 5km for 5 consecutive days. I pretty much ran in the same neighbourhood in Lucknow around my parents’ house during my week-long visit. Every day I passed through few of the many raised culverts, ‘puliyas’ as they are called in Hindi. A line of older and middle-aged men sit on the parapets on either side of the ‘puliya’. A row of men perched on high seat is such a perfect embodiment of a position of entitlement! Passing through this puliya, a few times during my run I catch bits of their conversations. From judging their neighbours’ actions to their much-convinced views about the current mosque- temple issue, they speak from a place of great comfort. During all of this, they do not cease to stare at me. That gaze of entitlement says a thousand words. Here I am, a middle-aged woman running alone in trackpants seemingly unaffected by them. And there, in their homes, they were probably served ‘chai’ by their wives or daughters before they set out on their walks. Someone had to stay at home to do such jobs and unquestionably, it had to be the women.
I mostly see only men out for morning walks. Occasionally I also see a groups of 5-6 women huddled together like a ‘jhund’ rather than walking in a row or two. It appears they are shielding and protecting each other from similar fates. Each one of them is vulnerable like a grape but together they appear like a bunch of grapes, relatively robust. They gaze at me that reminds me that I do not belong to this ‘jhund’. I feel deeply saddened. I am clearly an outsider. Whether I really want to be a part of it will be another story. The swirling ‘dupattas’ and ‘pallus’ have a mysterious air about them. I see earnest conversations with one voice louder than the rest offering suggestions and solutions which belongs to the leader woman. Few of them walk with a sideways gait so characteristic of the typical Indian middle-aged woman. Years of walking and working in the processing lines of bedroom to kitchen, kitchen to main door, living room to terrace/yard does not allow their bodies to experience different movements. The limbs get used to the limited range of motion and the ‘no questions asked’ standard traditional food eaten in standard traditional potions sets them up to be susceptible to a variety of ailments that reflect in their gait, body structure and beliefs of life. It seems these women gain temporary respite in this sisterly cloud from the ravages of their lives.
Then there are these couples. The man walks 5 steps ahead of his wife. He seems to be in control as if he has exhibited his superior knowledge at home about health benefits of walking that has drawn his wife out. He looks overtly at me and so does his wife. He wishes me away. He wants no one to question the status quo. He worries that he may have no answer if he is exposed to a situation other than the one he knows. The wife gives me a kind of wonderous condescending look. She, like her husband, also does not want to know of a reality where women exist anywhere other than the circle drawn by the imaginary reins held by the man at the center.
And rarely, I encounter a man, not necessarily out for a walk but could be in his car or riding a bike. He sends out a vibe of unabashed attraction and respect. I say vibe, because it is not a stare and it is not an overt gaze. It feels more like an honest communication on the lines of ‘I get it, I feel the same’. And I understand that in his life, that man is living by his convictions. What is important is that he may not have achieved it all but is on the path and he knows it. I feel happy on the re affirmation of my beliefs. By the way, this is the man to watch out for when the world is ending or getting attacked by aliens. The underdog who will save us all!
Occasionally I come across a retired couple of my parents’ age. Walking together side by side, they even talk to each other. Instantly my mom’s numerous examples of their ‘nicer’ verandahs, ‘better’ furniture, ‘more interesting’ daily routines and ‘many’ outstation trips flash through my head. From my own experience I know, that these families keep what they want to do in life at the top priority and overcome daily household and bodily challenges to achieve the same. They want to live a particular way. My mom feels it is possible to live that way when she talks of them but feels but feels she is too deeply stuck in a marsh created by herself that prevents her from leading her life her way but is it? I wonder who is stopping her? Since the time I was a little girl, I have noticed such families and unknowingly observed them. They had nice spaces in their homes, they looked attractive and their homes had unconventional food eaten in unconventional ways. As a child, I envied them. Growing up, my conviction deepened about how living in a small town need not deprive you of anything. You can still top a competitive examination, you can be well read, you can have the best hair and clothes, you can be abreast with the latest movies and music, you can have Adidas shoes and good sports gear, you can definitely have a good body and so on.
I don’t have most of this. And I may be completely wrong about the impressions I carry about my morning road friends. But that’s my reality and I continue running through its maze.